Nice v. Kind
Are “nice” and “kind” the same? The answer is an emphatic no. Is the distinction between these two adjectives important in both life and business? Absolutely. Understanding the difference is essential to the development of a high-functioning emotional intelligence toolkit and more productive interactions between teams and individuals.
This week’s muse is an extension of my May 28, 2022 post in support of compassionate leadership. In that work, I describe the differences between the concepts of sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Most importantly, I point out that sympathy is focused on the self whereas empathy and compassion are focused on seeking to understand and helping others.
Similarly, in today’s video muse, I tease apart the difference between being nice and being kind. A related spectrum emerges where being “nice” is focused on the self and being “kind” is focused on helping others. Viewed through the lens of logic, nice is to sympathy as kindness is to compassion.
Put into very simple terms, one can be “nice” and then turn around and stab a colleague or friend in the back. Nice is a selfish concept as it makes me feel better but does very little to help a colleague or associate. Many times, we’re nice out of fear that we might say the wrong thing to the wrong audience. Nice is hollow. Nice is shallow.
Alternatively, an act of kindness, which in business typically takes the form of constructive feedback, is an interaction that is rooted in compassion. Kindness is an act of personal emotional bravery. When we are kind, we seek to understand and show a willingness/ability to help. There is no doubt that kindness can be difficult. Kindness can also be deeply rewarding personally, but that reward is not the primary motivation. The primary motive behind kindness is to help without expectation of personal reward.
The bottom line is that our world needs more kindness and fewer niceties. The world needs more “we” and less “me.” Have I been “nice?” Absolutely. Will I be “nice” in the future? Without a doubt. There will definitely be times when I will choose nice over kind to protect myself and my own mental well-being. However, now that I am consciously aware of the difference, I will err on the side of kindness.
To learn more about the differences between nice and kind, I encourage you to visit The Kindness Factory, an Australian-based organization that has developed the Kindness Curriculum. In the spirit of full disclosure, my former employer (Kaplan) is affiliated with Kindness Factory.
This year, World Kindness Day is Sunday, November 13. What will you do to move the needle on making the world a kinder place?
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https://www.scu.edu/the-big-q/being-nice-vs-being-kind/
https://www.blackburncenter.org/post/nice-vs-kind-why-does-it-matter
