Coachability and the Art of Self-Reflection
This morning, I’ve got a simple question and an exercise for you. The question is, are you coachable?
The exercise is more difficult. In just a moment, I’m going to ask you to pause the video and reflect on your answer to this seemingly innocuous question. Before you drift off into quiet contemplation, carry the following questions with you as well: Am I set in my ways? Do I take advice well, or am I constantly pushing back? Am I resistant to change? Can I pinpoint specific examples where I was challenged to think differently and changed my behavior or workflow without grumping and grousing? When I do push back and ask questions, am I seeking to understand and gain clarity or am I being obstinate and delaying what I know deep inside is the right thing to do? Do I care about team success or am I in it for myself? When things go awry, do I point fingers and shift blame, or do I accept accountability for my role in the failure? Do I seek to learn from my mistakes?
I know this is a lot to take in, but it’s Saturday morning—an optimal time for self-reflection for many of us. My advice is to find a quiet, inviting place with some plants and greenery—research shows that we learn better when there are healthy plants around us. Send the kids outside to play in the yard. Take pen and paper with you so you can jot down a few notes about the experience. Breathe and connect with the rhythm of your breath and your heartbeat. Search your memory banks for specific examples to support your answers the questions I’m recommending you ask yourself. Most importantly, be on the lookout for unconscious bias that may be lurking below the surface. Unconscious bias colors our view of the world and can be wielded as justification for our actions. Ask as many ‘whys’ as necessary to chip away at these preconceived notions about how you process information and interpret myriad situations.
Okay, armed with the questions and these instructions, pause the video, bookmark today’s Muse, and we’ll see you back here when you’re ready.
Time passes…
Hey, there you are! Thanks for coming back. What did you learn about yourself while you were away? Was this your first time engaging in self-reflection? It’s possible that the experience was uncomfortable and felt a bit unnatural. That’s okay—my first experiences with self-reflection were difficult and they came as the result of third-party therapy sessions I engaged in during a very difficult time in my life. Turns out there’s a lot of stuff—some would call it baggage—that had accumulated that I needed to work through. It’s entirely possible that engaging with a therapist is the right thing for you to do as well. In my opinion, choosing to seek help to gain a better understanding of the universe that exists within our skulls is the epitome of self-awareness and is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.
What’s the minimum bar for success for this self-reflection exercise? Were you able to connect with your breath and feel the rhythm of your heartbeat? If yes, then AWESOME! You just took a few huge steps forward.
Turns out that the answer to the question are you coachable is more difficult than most folks realize and it will take multiple sessions of self-reflection to make meaningful progress toward the answer.
So let’s suppose you have your preliminary answer to our question of the day and you’ve determined that you’re not coachable. What happens now? Some will say, I don’t need to change and I’m perfectly happy with who I am. My lack of coachability is my superpower in life. I’ve engaged in self-reflection and enjoy being a lone wolf. This is a perfectly acceptable answer for those who are fiercely independent and love working for themselves.
However, if you determined that you lack coachability and want to become more coachable, where do you start? The ultimate goal is to build a solid set of emotional intelligence tools and a host of other human skills (courage, creativity, mental agility, etc.) to improve coachability, but this takes time. Step one is to cut yourself some slack, give yourself the gift of grace, and recognize that all change is a journey. Step two is to begin putting yourself into the hypothetical “shoes” of your colleagues—to build empathy for the lived experiences of those around you. Step three is to adopt a continuous improvement mindset and begin your personal journey of continuous improvement. Put simply, this means that I seek to understand and commit to continuously looking for a better way. Throughout your journey of continuous improvement and lifelong learning is where you’ll slowly but surely build your human skill toolkit.
On the other side of the coin, it’s possible that you came out of the exercise with the answer, yes! I’m coachable. Now, the most important question to ask is: but am I too coachable? Yes, there is such a thing as being too malleable, too coachable. Why? Coachability is a balancing act where we want to be true to who we are—our purpose, vision, values, goals, and roadmap, while simultaneously being open to new ideas, ways of working, and recommendations for how to improve.
Next week in part II of this Muse, we’ll explore this balancing act in more depth and address the obvious follow-on question: why is coachability important? Have a great weekend…
