Family First, a Christmas Special
It’s a common refrain from both employers and employees: “My team is a family,” or “Come work for us, our company has a real family atmosphere.” While typically meant to convey a sense of warmth, belonging, and bonding, I believe the word “family” should exit our business vernacular and be reserved for reference to our core family units.
Here are several reasons why:
Family is Precious - Your family is one of a kind. Mine sure is - both sides. Since family is unique, it should be protected and nurtured. We shouldn’t diminish or water down the concept of family by including people that will shift and change in both the short and long run. The idea of “family” has already become too disposable and transient. It’s far too easy to get divorced and press the ‘reset’ button without engaging in the meaningful work it takes to repair a marriage and keep a family together. If we remove ‘family’ from our business jargon, maybe we won’t quit our families with the same indifference we sometimes use when we quit our jobs.
You might be reading this and saying: “Gosh, Andy - that’s awfully preachy!” Well, in my early 40s, I left my family without engaging in the aforementioned hard work. I am now happily remarried to the same wonderful woman and we’ve worked together for over 15 years to make our family the priority. Business relationships come and go. Family is precious and enduring. Period.
Family is Messy - On a good day, a family is a messy organism. Communication within a family unit is extraordinarily difficult because our lenses are clouded by strong emotions and the intensity of the family bond. As a result, conflict is difficult to resolve and can fester for years, even decades. Factions and rifts develop as like-minded family members gravitate toward one another. Drama ensues.
Referring to the business as a family gives implicit permission for these kinds of behaviors to take root. Whenever I hear someone describe their co-workers as “one big happy family,” I also hear the undertones of dysfunction and chaos. Labeling your team as a family may unintentionally give team members permission to act badly. Yes, you may give crazy uncle Billy a pass for his far right or left political rant at Thanksgiving, but we shouldn’t be handing out family passes at the office.
Do we really want the messiness of family in our businesses? The answer is an emphatic no.
Family is 24/7 - By definition, family is an always on, 24/7 endeavor. Thinking of the business as family risks bringing business home with you more often than you should. We should be married to our spouses, not the business. We should be able to “leave the office” and go home. During the pandemic, this separation has become much more difficult since for many of us, the “office” is now the spare bedroom down the hall and the lines between work and home are more blurred than ever.
Trust as a Baseline
So what should we replace the word “family” with in business - especially in today’s more enlightened business environment in which we are bringing our ‘whole selves’ to work and leading with empathy? After all, on the surface it may seem like a natural extension of modern management philosophy to think more about a business as family, not less.
I recommend we focus on trust balanced with accountability by adopting a management operating system focused on continuous improvement and organizational health. The objective here is a high empathy, high accountability culture where:
The customer is the top priority,
Goals are clearly defined and point directly to the company’s north star,
Communication is crisp, clear, and frequent,
Outcomes are measured and put on display for all to see,
Waste is routinely identified and minimized,
Constructive conflict is encouraged, and
Diversity, equity, and inclusion are promoted.
Within this framework, trust builds and strong business relationships are fostered because roles/responsibilities are well defined and everyone is rowing in the same direction.
A Final Recommendation
If you’re like me and have previously made reference to the “office as a family,” want to leave that comparison in the past, but at the same time want to stress the importance of family, I recommend the adoption of a “Family First” philosophy.
Family First is a very simple concept. If a team member has a family emergency or requires some flexibility to care for their family, respond with “Family First.” Repeating this tune with equity through time will send the signal that family is indeed precious, that you take family seriously, and that there is a clear separation between work and home.
Yes, there will be team members who may take advantage of this mindset in the short-term, but in the long run, retention and engagement should improve because your people will see clearly that you care about them and the balancing act they continually play between work and family.
Adopting this mindset will also shine a clear light on any lack of backup coverage or human capital redundancy issues the business may have.
Conclusion
Work is a wonderful place to build a professional network and forge meaningful friendships. However, work is not your family and conflating the two can lead to serious disappointment when the stark reality that “it’s just business” kicks in during tough economic times or the next restructuring.
I hope you’re having a wonderful holiday season reconnecting with family and friends.
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PS: This muse is in no way a slam against any of my current and former colleagues. I have built many lasting friendships and created a lifetime of fond memories with coworkers through the years. I feel a deep sense of gratitude for the times we’ve spent together “solving the world’s problems” and creating “yahoo moments” through educational achievement.
PSS: Family comes in many forms. Here’s a toast to your unique family.
