Be a Decent Human
In my first book, Balancing Act: Teach, Coach, Mentor, Inspire I introduce the words I live by to help guide my behavior—to act as a set of guardrails for myself. You can think of the words I live by as “the bar” I’ve set for myself as I interact with myself internally and the outside world. I’ve arrived at these words through experience and contemplation. At the highest level, the words grace, dignity, and compassion serve to support my purpose, which is to teach, coach, mentor, and (hopefully) inspire. Six additional words serve as reminders and guardrails for both personal and professional interactions. They are: calm, consistent, persistent, thoughtful, agile, and industrious.
I recognize that I’m a complicated human and my list is likely longer than most—that my list is bespoke to me and won’t work for everyone. The purpose of today’s muse is help readers start their own version of this exercise and to provide advice to mentors and coaches as they work to help their mentees and coachees set their guardrails. So the question is, where should we start? What’s the minimum acceptable height of “the bar” that we can then continuously improve against throughout our lives?
In my opinion, the minimum acceptable height of “the bar” is to be a decent human. You see, it’s in times of great stress and conflict that the words I live by come into play the most. When the going gets tough, sometimes everything boils down to a fairly basic choice—to be a decent human being, or allow base instinct and ego to take over and say/do things that I’ll regret later. “Andy, just be a decent human being right here, right now.” But what does decency mean? Let’s explore.
Britannica defines decency as: “polite, moral, and honest behavior and attitudes that show respect for other people.” If we break this definition down, to be polite is to be respectful and considerate of other people—to show good manners and to be civil. Honesty can be defined as adhering to facts, fairness, and being straightforward and truthful. The sticky bit—the place where there’s the most wiggle room from a definitional perspective is being moral. Morality refers to an individual’s standards of behavior or beliefs of what is acceptable behavior and what is not. This can vary wildly based on upbringing, cultural norms, and educational background. I like to think of morality as “doing the right thing,” but what does right mean? This too can vary widely based on circumstance.
Fortunately, the first two components of decency—politeness and honesty—give us a pretty good indication of what it means to do the right thing. Be truthful, be direct, be kind, be fair, follow the facts, be respectful, be civil, be considerate—all great words to adhere to as a starting point for any continuous improvement journey. I wish you the best as you engage in quiet contemplation about what your “words to live by” should be and as you mentor those around you. Hopefully this discussion of the baseline has been helpful.
We live in a time of great change and great stress with factors such as hyper-polarization, culture wars, and geopolitical conflict tugging at the seams of society’s fabric. I think the world would be a better place if we all adopted the minimum acceptable standard for human interaction as just be a decent human being.
