“We” versus “Me”
My wife, Linda, and I are at an undisclosed resort on the west coast of Mexico on a little vacation before I have my right hip replaced in early March. I need to stay Covid-free pre-surgery because the risk of complications rises significantly for major joint surgeries. Before we departed, we analyzed the risk of infection and determined that with our trusty N95 masks and some strategic outdoor social distancing, the benefits of warmth and sunshine (we live in Wisconsin) outweighed the risk. As the pandemic shifts to endemic, we will all be engaged in probabalistic risk assessments like this for the foreseeable future.
Although Covid-19 case numbers are dropping dramatically around the world and public health restrictions are being lifted in many locations, an all-inclusive resort is a melting pot of humans from all over the world. As a result, the resort community in Mexico remains vigilant and masks and social distancing are required while indoors. Signs are posted everywhere.
Anyway, one night after the “Broadway” show, we got into the elevator to return to our room on the 22nd floor. The elevators at our resort are London small. If you’ve ever been to London and ridden an elevator in any building built before 2000, you know what I mean. Social distancing is impractical, so a ride in the elevator is an exercise in caring for your neighbor and yourself. Everybody masks up, stands in separate corners, and the greeting to fellow passengers is akin to a Seinfeld funeral nod.
Linda and I were positioned in the elevator with another couple we didn’t know plus a single rider. Plenty of bodies for this London-sized elevator. As the door was closing, a rotund older lady stuck her hand in the door and it lurched back open. She and three of her companions proceeded to barge in and Linda let out a reactive “oh no, no.” The lady and her companions, one of which was a gentleman three times my size, proceeded into the elevator, and took up every remaining square inch. We were jammed in.
For the next 30 seconds or so, the old lady proceeded to berate Linda for attempting to keep herself and her fellow passengers safe. She pointed out that the elevator capacity was ten, that the weight limit was 900kg, and then blurted out, “You shouldn’t travel if you can’t accept the risk.”
Linda and I both remained silent throughout the encounter as any kind of confrontation would have not been constructive. No rational discourse would have occurred. The old lady was thinking only of herself and her desire to get back to her room on her timetable. There was no consideration that everyone in the elevator would have to pass an antigen or PCR Covid test before returning home, and there was certainly no care or concern in this lady’s mind for the other passengers in the elevator. Could someone be immunocompromised? Could this be someone’s first trip outside of their Covid-cocoon of the last two years and be challenged with anxiety? She cared not.
When we performed our risk assessment prior to departure, we considered that we would meet other people who either don’t believe Covid exists or who base their personal risk assessment solely with an internal eye with no consideration for their role in helping others stay safe. The return-trip Covid testing requirement means that we’re all in a gigantic lifeboat and must take care of each other. If I’m sick and I pass the disease on to eight other people in a crowded elevator, that means that eight other people and their families are plunged into an extended stay with all the accompanying hassles of quarantine, flight rebookings, and lost time at work or school.
I know we’re all tired of this pandemic, but the self-centered, selfish behavior we’ve seen by more than a small minority of our fellow lifeboat passengers is shocking. “Me” is winning out over “We.”
The Broader Implications
Since the dawn of humanity, we’ve banded together to survive. We built communities to support each other and developed specialized skills to improve productivity. In this environment, the “We” was more important than the “Me.”
In the current day, technology has advanced to the point where individuals can thrive without relying on close-knit community support once adulthood is reached. We can work from home, have our every need delivered to our doorsteps, and immerse ourselves in digital worlds that are specifically designed to trigger hormonal responses that keep us coming back for more.
Trust in establishments that have historically served as societal glue (e.g., religious institutions, governments, and educational institutions) are at incredibly low levels. With no need to farm collectively to stay alive or to rally around the divine to help explain the unimaginably large world that surrounds us, we can focus more and more on our own individual needs and those of our immediate family. Our sense of community is rapidly waning along with care for our fellow humans.
What Can We Do?
Although I don’t have a universal solution for how to grow a sense of community and shared responsibility as we charge headlong into the metaverse, there are a few things we can focus on now.
Self-Awareness and Purpose: Based on what you’ve read thus far in today’s Muse, this may seem counterintuitive, but to know thyself is a necessary first step to robust societal participation. As I continue to explore my own self awareness, I like to start with purpose. Why am I here? What do I stand for? What brings me joy? Answering these questions will aid in bringing your “whole self” into interactions with others and prevent blind or excessive followership. Becoming more self-aware and defining your purpose will help to align the “Me” with the “We.” In a future post, we’ll talk about how to use a personal A3 as a tool to define your where you are now (current state) and where you want to go (desired future state) along with the challenges that stand in the way and the action items necessary to get there.
Situational Awareness: All the focus on “Me” is making us blind to the world around us - especially how our words and actions affect others. Are you a “bull in a china shop” or can you “read a room” and have a keen sense of how you fit within a social environment? Sometimes you’ll need to lead, sometimes follow. There are times when you’ll need to find your voice and speak with authority, and other times when the best thing to do is be still, quiet, and observant. Note that situational awareness is dependent on a solid set of emotional intelligence tools (e.g., empathy) - one does not exist without the other, so you cannot built situational awareness without simultaneously cultivating emotional intelligence. In my opinion, a great place to start is by investing in building self-refection muscles to contemplate whether the source of a conflict or challenge lies with someone else (a blame reflex) or if the source lies within.
Quick soapbox moment for my fellow male humans out there. I marvel at how blissfully unaware males can be about something as simple as properly wearing a face covering when required. Does a mask work on the bottom of the chin? No. Does a mask function with the schnoz hanging out? Again, no. Come on, man! Raise let’s raise our situational awareness quotient.
Lifelong Learning Mindset: Self-awareness, defining purpose, and situational awareness are all reliant on a solid educational foundation and continuous learning. A mind opens when exposed to new information from multiple sources and delivered through different perspectives. It’s really easy to turn inward and develop a fixed “Me” mindset when educational opportunities are limited or if a worldview is limited to a narrow range of experiences or data input sources (e.g., watching the same “news” channel all day). As your educational foundation grows, you have an obligation as a contributing member of society to become a teacher, coach, and mentor to those around you. Pass it on and pay it forward.
Get Involved: A great way to contribute to building a stronger community and to rebalance the “We” versus “Me” equation is to get involved in organizations that align with your talents and purpose. Be sure to avoid echo chambers. Yes, it’s more comfortable to align yourself with people that think the same way that you do, but you won’t be challenged or exposed to a diversity of thought and opinion. Diversity and inclusion is good. Echo chambers are not healthy for anyone. Take it from me, you can get a similar hormone high from helping others and giving back as you do from accumulating clicks and likes in the digital world.
To Corporate Leaders: Create a sense of community within your organizations. Yes, the profit motive is important, but your organization has a real opportunity (and, I would argue, an obligation) to help build the emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and lifelong learning skills your employees need to succeed at work and within the broader community. Your people are your most valuable asset and treating them as coin-operated cogs in a gigantic wheel is what has historically contributed to weak trust environments between leadership and the broader employee base.
Invest in education, both the hard, and even harder (a.k.a., “soft”) skills and it’ll be a win-win. Research has shown that corporate returns are stronger for organizationally healthy companies and you’ll be contributing to building better citizens for our nation and the world. According to the Gallup poll in the link below, trust in big business is low, but I would argue that businesses have a better chance of moving the needle on trust than the government or religious institutions do in the current environment.
Pro Tip: Invest in Volunteer Time Off (VTO). Give your employees one day a year to volunteer at a charitable organization or community institution who’s mission aligns with your organizational purpose. This is a win-win-win. You’re showing your team that purpose really does matter, that you care about building and supporting the community, and you’re teaching the benefits of volunteering and community service.
Conclusion
Thanks for listening today. I hope you enjoyed the elevator story and got something out of the recommendations that followed. I recognize that I can sound pessimistic about the human condition at times, but I have tremendous faith that we can grow and thrive as a species.
The way forward is together with grace, dignity, and compassion.
Andy
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End Notes:
Self-Awareness: https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-awareness
Situational Awareness: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Situation_awareness
A3 Planning Tool: This is the corporate version - I’ll be posting a Muse soon with a version for personal use. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A3_problem_solving
Trust in Institutions Poll by Gallup: https://news.gallup.com/poll/1597/confidence-institutions.aspx
