The Art of Self-Reflection, Part I
In my previous writings, I talk a lot about the benefits of engaging in constructive self-reflection. In my Personal Planning Guidebook, which is a free download on my website, the ability to self-reflect is an integral part of the personal planning process. But what is self-reflection and how can you get the most from it? We’re going to discuss the art of self-reflection over the next two weeks. Today, we’ll focus on the pre-conditions for successful self-reflection, and next week we’ll get into specific recommendations for self-reflection sessions.
What Does Self-Reflection Mean?
First, the definition. Oxford dictionaries defined self-reflection as: “meditation or serious thought about one's character, actions, and motives.” I’ve found that understanding the “what” of self-reflection is not difficult. The “how” is where the going gets tough.
Unfortunately, there are all manner of societal pressures that make self-reflection difficult. Some label it as “fluff” or “weakness.” Some surround themselves with so many external voices and stimulation that the concept of self-reflection is foreign and uncomfortable. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve succumbed to the narrative that “tough guys don’t reflect.” I’ll also be the first to admit that becoming more in tune with yourself through meditation and reflection is one of the best things you can do for yourself. After all, how can I love me (self-love) if I don’t understand me? How can I determine my purpose if I don’t check in with myself on a routine basis? How can I continuously improve as a human if I don’t look inward and ask the question: “What if it’s me?”
To get started with building the skill of self-reflection, here are a few tips:
Self-awareness: This is step one. If I have no self-awareness, I cannot self-reflect. It’s that simple. A tool that I’ve found helpful in building self-awareness is to learn about the Freudian concept of the ego. Here, I’m not talking about the modern concept of a “big ego” or “small ego,” but instead the strength of one’s ego. The ego is your internal mediator between your base instincts (the id) and the idealized version of yourself (the superego). A weak ego has a difficult time negotiating between these two voices that live within all of us. To improve self-awareness, focus on strengthening the ego. I purposefully started my podcast with several episodes on the ego (episodes one through nine). I recommend that you listen to these short discussions to learn about how important the ego is to the development of critical human skills such as self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, resilience, followership, and lifelong learning.
Learn about unconscious bias: As you explore the concept of self-awareness, be sure to put energy into understanding the concept of unconscious (cognitive) bias. We all have some form of unconscious bias that lives within us that has developed over years (and in my case, decades) of the shortcuts our brains take to make sense of, and compartmentalize, the vast, complicated world we live in. Confirmation bias (favoring ideas that confirm our existing beliefs), optimism/pessimism bias (overestimating the probability of a positive outcome when we’re feeling good, and vice-versa), sunk cost fallacy (believing that if you put effort in that there should be some form of return), herd mentality (blindly following influencers), and anchoring bias (being overly influenced by first impressions or initial data) are just a sampling of myriad biases that influence how we operate and approach challenges.
Minimize the role of the “itty bitty shitty committee” in our heads. In her podcast, The Confident Rider, Jane Pike uses this terminology frequently to refer to the cacophony of negative voices that swirl inside us. Yes, sometimes our greatest critics live inside our minds. Step one is to recognize that you have an itty bitty shitty committee that loves to berate, belittle, and judge your every move. Step two is to not allow these voices to dominate the conversation. Be openminded and kind to yourself during periods of self-reflection. Remind yourself that you’re human, you make mistakes, and that taking personal responsibility for a challenge or conflict can be one of the most freeing and beneficial thing that you can do for yourself and those around you.
So we’ll leave it here for this week. As I mentioned at the top of today’s Muse, we’ll dive into more of the specifics next week. See you then!
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Links to information on unconscious (cognitive) bias:
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases-index
https://www.verywellmind.com/cognitive-biases-distort-thinking-2794763
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thoughts-thinking/201809/12-common-biases-affect-how-we-make-everyday-decisions
https://www.visualcapitalist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/all-188-cognitive-biases.html
