The Art of Self-Reflection, Part II
Today, we’re continuing our conversation regarding the art of self-reflection. Self-reflection is a key skill for anyone who’s interested in building a growth mindset and expanding mental agility. We recently launched the Personal Planning Guidebook as a free resource on my website, and self-reflection is an integral part of getting great results from that tool. In addition, want to navigate change more effectively? Build self-reflection skills. Want to be a better decision-maker? Build self-reflection skills. Want stronger relationships? Build self-reflection skills. Want to improve self-esteem and self-love? You guessed it, build self-reflection skills.
Last week, we outlined the pre-conditions to effective self-reflection and introduced the concepts of self-awareness, cognitive (unconscious) bias, and taming the negative voices that swirl within our heads—what Jane Pike calls our “itty bitty shitty committee.” Now lets get into the logistical specifics of how to conduct an effective self-reflection session.
How to Self-Reflect: Strategic Steps
Be intentional. Set aside time for self-reflection and pick a topic to noodle on. For the “type A’s” out there, you’re not scheduling a meeting and setting an agenda to discuss with yourself. At the same time, a self-reflection session shouldn’t be an ad hoc free-for-all where you just sit down and let your mind wander aimlessly. The rigor of self-reflection sits somewhere in the middle between highly structured and no structure at all. My advice is to choose a challenge or struggle that needs attention and start with the intent to unpack how you’re approaching the issue. Remember, self-reflection is about you and your continuous improvement journey. If you find yourself focusing on others, pointing fingers, or wallowing in self-regret, you’re not engaged in self-reflection. That’s a pity party. Nobody likes to receive an invite to a pity party!
Set the conditions. You don’t need candles, incense, and Gregorian chants to self-reflect, but setting the stage is important. Distractions should be at a minimum and you should be in a physical place that minimizes stress. For me, the perfect place to reflect is when I’m whizzing through the hills of Western Wisconsin on my bicycle, with the wind rushing around me. For others, it may be a walk in the woods or sitting on a favorite park bench. If you look around at your environment, you’ll be surprised at the number of places that provide an atmosphere of solace and comfort. My advice is to be purposeful in choosing the physical location to engage in self-reflection. To choose your reflection spot, think: “where do I find peace?”
Search for root cause. Let’s say that the challenge you’re trying to resolve is an interpersonal workplace conflict with a co-worker. When self-reflecting on this issue, you’re in search of the root cause of the conflict. When root cause is known, then actionable steps can be identified to begin rebuilding the relationship or resolving the conflict. Without knowledge of the true root cause, we spin, blame, and speculate—none of which are constructive or productive pursuits. I highlight the word true in the previous sentence because we tell ourselves all sorts of stories about the challenges we face—dancing around root cause—because deep down, we’re afraid what we might find out about our role in the conflict.
In the search for root cause, use the “five whys.” This is a line of inquiry that comes to us from the world of continuous improvement. It’s a very simple, yet powerful exercise where we ask ourselves “why?” several times as we search for the root cause of a challenge. While there are times when you can literally ask why over and over again to determine root cause, the more likely scenario is deeper and deeper exploration of a challenge through well-crafted questions that probe an issue from multiple perspectives to “peel back the layers of the onion.” Sorry, literalists, the implementation of the five whys rarely means that “why” is asked five times! When using the five whys tool in self-reflection, the most important thing you can do is open the mind to the possibility that root cause lies with you. This is where the adoption of a seek to understand mindset really pays off.
Determine an action item or outcome for the session. The outcome can be as simple as: “I didn’t solve anything today, but I explored various components of the issue and I commit to engaging in another self-reflection session to continue the process.” Be kind to yourself and avoid setting yourself up to fail with outsized expectations. However, try to be productive when self-reflecting—you’ve chosen a topic to focus on, so don’t endlessly spin about it. As I’ve pointed out previously, be intentional.
I hope this two-part series on self-reflection has been valuable. As we close out part two, I must be very clear that I am not a trained psychologist and most of us will lack the ability to effectively engage in self-reflection without a little help and guidance to get us started. This is where counseling and coaching come into play. Talk to a trained career coach or licensed therapist. I did and it helped me immensely. The more experience you get and the more you learn about yourself, the better you will become at figuring out how to self-reflect in a way that works best for you. You’re not weak and there should be no shame attached to seeking help to take your human experience to the next level. In my opinion, you’re exhibiting strength and courage to admit that you need a little help to get started.
